an abundance of contradictory emotions

I want to cry. I want to break down. I want to be held by my God. I want to be whole.
I have at least two sided emotions where I feel one way and then the other.
Almost simultaneously.

What does this say about me?

God, I want to be focused. I want to be wholly human through emotions, thought and spirit.
and yet there are these emotions that pull me. . .

We have been talking about the doctrine of sin in my theology class. It is so unexplainable what Wholeness looks like. All we know is sin. . . and a sin impacted world. Did the world have this confusion of thoughts and emotions before sin came into humanity?

Its frustrating.
And confusing. . .
Abba, Hold me Daddy.
I want to be whole through you.