Hi All,
So, I had this thought today. I struggle with this quite often actually.
I want to be authentic in everything I do in life. However, when I actually embrace that I am having a bad day or I let a situation effect my personality I feel guilty. There are so many people that are dealing with more harsh conditions. Why should I have a bad day because I woke up late or because I didn't do as expected on a quiz....?
Do I have a right to embrace authenticity when transparency leaves me feeling upset over small issues in life?
This Content Doesn’t Need a Title
2 years ago
hey chels! it's emily.. from up the hall. ha ha. i stumbled across your blog and read a few posts, then discovered it was you! just wanted to say, that what you're mentioning here as well as your last post about confidence/speechlessness is something that i've also been dealing with since about my junior year in high school. it's a long process to evaluate and derive answers from, but here's my conclusion. we're called to lives of transparency and vulnerability. i think we should always be real and honest, especially when it comes to ourselves. i think the question of letting something effect your mood depends on what that something is. if it's something that just frustrates us it's our joy to just let it go and pass it into the control of God. But sometimes the issue is deeper, like feeling inadequate, hopeless, or doubting ourselves and when it gets to that point it's simply inevitable that it changes our mood and personality. When we get to that point, the best thing we can do is admit that we're there, claim it, and pray unceasingly, having the attitude that God will redeem our souls and bring us out. Even when we are in these places, there must be a constant upward motion and goal- and if this is where the focus is (on God) then there can't help but be a ray of light shining down on the situation, and a reason to smile. I hope some of this makes sense or helped, but if not just know that it's one of those issues and questions that's not easily answered but will be in time~ emily
ReplyDeleteDear Chels. You ask too many questions. Don't dare stop though.
ReplyDelete"Do I have a right to embrace authenticity when transparency leaves me feeling upset over small issues in life?"
-Absolutely.
Don't forget that you're not the person dealing with the harsh conditions that you're referring to. You're you. I don't know all of who you are, but I know your you, and not them. I think it is completely fine, acceptable, embrace-able, and healthy to live with your bad days. To take the moods that come with doing poorly on quizzes, or from waking up too late.
Think about those two examples (waking up late/quizzes) as criterion for a good life. You want to be responsible enough to wake up on time, so that you can wisely use your time and energy throughout the day, but when you sleep in you don't do that and you are letting yourself down. You want to do well on a quiz, but don't because you didn't study enough, because you were doing something else-whatever that is- and now you're pissed off because you didn't do rockin.
I'm convinced that it doesn't matter what the example is- you could eat a banana instead of an orange at lunch and be crabby about it.
You want something, and you're not getting it.
Wait.
You want something, and you're not taking it.
Success on quizzes is ALL UP TO YOU.
Waking up in the morning is completely UP TO YOU.
You're not happy with how things are going because you're letting yourself down. Your desires and your realities are not one in the same.
The point I am taking too long to make is; the issues are small, but they're representing fundamental truths, facts, beliefs, whatever you call em's. It doesn't matter the action, the principle remains that you are living something different than you desire, and this bothers you so much because you desire so much in life. Not necessarily in school, but when your life at school is falling short of your expectations for it, it raises the fear that your expectations for life are going to fall short. And straight up, that blows.
Embrace authenticity- that is the essence of our God given nature.
Don't forget that these "small things" are just mannequins. They're not the real thing. The real thing is inside, underneath, above, around the corner, under, SOMEWHERE.
Keep giving yourself headaches :)