Coffee this morning

I have no creative way to title this blog entry. Honestly, I think I shut down when I come home from school. I get to relax, I get to be comfortable, I get to chill when I'm home. I don't think or write half as much.
I had coffee with an amazing lady this morning. She has been a mentor to me for a year or two now. She makes me think. She challenges me. . . and we get excited together about connecting theology, reality, creativity and humanity together.

This morning we got to talk about the evangelical church, the holistic theology movement and a type of evangelism that connects stories together. Ok, sorry, let me unpack that.

My mentor recently was in seminary. I don't know how we got to this topic but we starting talking about the "evangelical christian/church" and how the main focus is on "saving souls". some times the part of humanity or environmental issues gets pushed aside. How can we push aside the issue of holistic ministry to chop it up and PICK the part that saves souls? Jesus healed, God created the earth. And I am not trying diminish the value of where our souls are in relation to God. . . but how can we ignore the other. My mentor was saying that it is rooted in evangelical theology that there is going to be a "new heaven" , new earth" and "new bodies" therefore the soul is the main focus. . . .

So, is there a term for christians in america that want the focus to be on holistic ministry?

One more note, we talked a little on evangelism as knowing and understanding some ones story so to connect it or be able to relate it to Gods story. . . this is beautiful. unpack that thought.
see that in order for people to see God as a creator and lover and redeemer they have to relate their story to Gods. . .
compare this to the "track" evangelism or a 3 step manual of being saved. . . (that i grew up with. . . this is why I thought this was so cool).

ok, sorry these thoughts are so chopping and the writing is awful. . .
but I promised katherine I would blog!
I'm thinking on spring break! . . . and lovin it!
peace

Hallelujah

I swear I'm going to blog about this song in depth sometime.
but for now, just look it up.
Hallelujah by Kate Voegele

What Is ___?

I feel like a two year old.
I have these questions like,

What is love?
What does Hosanna really mean?
What is grace?
Why can't I define Holy?

I know there are dictionary definitions to my questions. . .
but I want to know these things.

I want to know experience.
I want to feel the odd kind of relationship between love and grace and brokenness and sin.

I lost the rest of my thoughts. . .
so goodnight

an abundance of contradictory emotions

I want to cry. I want to break down. I want to be held by my God. I want to be whole.
I have at least two sided emotions where I feel one way and then the other.
Almost simultaneously.

What does this say about me?

God, I want to be focused. I want to be wholly human through emotions, thought and spirit.
and yet there are these emotions that pull me. . .

We have been talking about the doctrine of sin in my theology class. It is so unexplainable what Wholeness looks like. All we know is sin. . . and a sin impacted world. Did the world have this confusion of thoughts and emotions before sin came into humanity?

Its frustrating.
And confusing. . .
Abba, Hold me Daddy.
I want to be whole through you.

He Loves Me!

I don't know quite how to explain this . . .
but,
I was at worship last night. It was such a good time.
We sang your love is extravagant.
It talks about how God considers us friends. . .
I compare myself in relationships to others
wondering why people would want to be friends with me.
I am not self confident
but I don't often wonder why Jesus pays me a second glance.

Why is that?

Honestly,
I don't think I was letting Jesus love me.
I didn't feel like I was enough. . or just didn't really recognize the imago dei within me that He so values and sees as precious.
Well,

Now i'm letting Him.
Jesus loves me.
I feel renewed.

On Relationships

Ok, so connecting to my previous post, I had a thought.

A friend and I were talking today about the nature of relationships (friends, acquaintance, dates, etc.)
We were discussing our tendency of bringing our human gifts and support into the relationships instead of bringing transparency and a willing spirit and a desire to see God work in and through the relationship.

I think lately I have taken a lot of my relationships to heart. . . almost like a burden and not as a joy. I know it sounds awful, and that's not my intent. I'll try to explain further.

I think I've been taking too much of the responsibility of relationships onto my shoulders instead of allowing that to be inspired my God.
Does that make more sense?
It's just a journey of giving it up to him.

I'm still thinking. I'll let you know.
Goodnight.

Snow Feeling

I went walking in the snow the other night. It was beautiful, it was mysterious, it was surreal. It was peaceful. I felt all those things.
Beauty. Peace. Mystery.

. . . and yet, I also felt that there was something deep in my heart that I wasn't surrendering to.

I still feel like this.
I have kept my self pretty busy since said snow walk, so I haven't had a time to get into my thoughts. . .

Honestly, I have mixed feelings when looking deep at my life/feelings/dreams. I get disappointed that the person I am is not the person I thought was becoming. . . and then I get excited about what is takin place there.. .

I don't know. I guess this post is just the precursor to my thoughts and ponderings. . .
I'll leave it at that.