a question on being real

Hi All,

So, I had this thought today. I struggle with this quite often actually.

I want to be authentic in everything I do in life. However, when I actually embrace that I am having a bad day or I let a situation effect my personality I feel guilty. There are so many people that are dealing with more harsh conditions. Why should I have a bad day because I woke up late or because I didn't do as expected on a quiz....?

Do I have a right to embrace authenticity when transparency leaves me feeling upset over small issues in life?

Life is wonderful

Thoughts later but this has been on repeat on my computer...

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a storie
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la

It takes a night to make it done
And it takes a day to make you young brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a lost before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to show you care
It takes a hole to see a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is full of
Ah la la la la la life is so full of love
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la life is full of
Ah la la la la la life is so full of love

I saw

I get frustrated with myself alot. I know most people probably do. I not only get frustrated at myself but then I get annoyed at that taking over all my thoughts.
But the most recent self absorbed thought was this:
I am not a quite person. I know this. But I have recently got annoyed at myself for not talking sometimes. I will talk at all the easy times and then when it is time to engage a person, issue, event, etc. I decide that my ideas, opinions aren't worth mentioning.
Do I really struggle with this much of a lack of confidence?

I have the song I saw by Matt Nathanson in my head.
The chorus keeps going through my head...

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up, again
Cuz I would be heavenly
if baby you'd just rescue me, now

I have substituted the last line. Baby if you'd come to me now. . .

I think God looks at me every day and has these thoughts. I feel like I get right to the edge of surrender or opening up completely and then I turn. . . and do what?

I don't know.
I really had sat down to write this blog on a totally different topic...guess that'll have to wait.

Love or the Idea

I hate that I even have to ask this question.
Are we in love with something, someone, some cause...
Or are we in love with the idea of being in love?

This can relate to anything. It can't be limited to love.

Is our generation sold out for ending poverty one human at a time?
Or do we like the idea of doing something?

Is the second wrong?
Obviously the first would be preferred...

Just saying...
Just asking....

are we an idea driven generation...
or are we willing to put our hearts on the line for a project, emotion, people group?

All the same~ sick puppies

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

[Chorus]

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Miracles...of the little sort

I've been struggling some lately. I have felt God calling me out of one ministry...and into...He only knows. It has been really hard. I love that ministry and have a heart for the people, who have been more like family. I love the heart of the ministry....
But I had a feeling that God was calling me out of this. I am not a quitter. And it was so hard to leave half way through the year...
It broke me in a lot of ways. And it hurt the people that I was working with...
A friend of mine was recently in this same situation of being called from where he was.
He was saying that sometimes people get hurt through not understanding the work of God....
I don't know if I like that...but it makes sense.
Ah, I've even been stupid and selfish enough to get jealous and hurt over a friend moving away...to do missions work...how insane is that?!

But, I was at peace that I would take the step to follow whatever God had in mind for this semester...
I was broken about leaving the group...

I was sitting in my room talking to my roommate when we got a knock on the door...

I had heard this girl perform spoken word last semester and it was really touching...such a blessing
so i wrote her a note and found her dorm and slipped in under her door.

she was the knock at the door...
she had been looking for me.
she came to say thank you.
and said to keep life open. and shining for God
and just to follow Him through every action of life...
to trust and live.
it was such a peace.

she prayed over me.
such an encouragement.

The God of the universe continues to surprise me...
and I don't know why I continue to think of Him on Human terms...

I'm smiling ...
true joy.

Sin and Redemption

I was reading for my theology class this morning. Lutheranism actually. It's very interesting, not that it's so far beyond what I know in the Protestant faith. Just whenever you get down to the foundational ideas of anything I think you realize new things.

The Lutheran faith believes that humans are seen as both sinners and completely redeemed. Is that possible?
But then, isn't that what we are?

God saved us, yes, without a doubt. we are redeemed.
But I am a sinner. By nature, by actions.

I am just a little confused at the statement. I am a sinner and yet redeemed. Do they contradict themselves?
Is that the nature of God at work?