Love or the Idea

I hate that I even have to ask this question.
Are we in love with something, someone, some cause...
Or are we in love with the idea of being in love?

This can relate to anything. It can't be limited to love.

Is our generation sold out for ending poverty one human at a time?
Or do we like the idea of doing something?

Is the second wrong?
Obviously the first would be preferred...

Just saying...
Just asking....

are we an idea driven generation...
or are we willing to put our hearts on the line for a project, emotion, people group?

All the same~ sick puppies

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

[Chorus]

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
Suddenly
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breath you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Miracles...of the little sort

I've been struggling some lately. I have felt God calling me out of one ministry...and into...He only knows. It has been really hard. I love that ministry and have a heart for the people, who have been more like family. I love the heart of the ministry....
But I had a feeling that God was calling me out of this. I am not a quitter. And it was so hard to leave half way through the year...
It broke me in a lot of ways. And it hurt the people that I was working with...
A friend of mine was recently in this same situation of being called from where he was.
He was saying that sometimes people get hurt through not understanding the work of God....
I don't know if I like that...but it makes sense.
Ah, I've even been stupid and selfish enough to get jealous and hurt over a friend moving away...to do missions work...how insane is that?!

But, I was at peace that I would take the step to follow whatever God had in mind for this semester...
I was broken about leaving the group...

I was sitting in my room talking to my roommate when we got a knock on the door...

I had heard this girl perform spoken word last semester and it was really touching...such a blessing
so i wrote her a note and found her dorm and slipped in under her door.

she was the knock at the door...
she had been looking for me.
she came to say thank you.
and said to keep life open. and shining for God
and just to follow Him through every action of life...
to trust and live.
it was such a peace.

she prayed over me.
such an encouragement.

The God of the universe continues to surprise me...
and I don't know why I continue to think of Him on Human terms...

I'm smiling ...
true joy.

Sin and Redemption

I was reading for my theology class this morning. Lutheranism actually. It's very interesting, not that it's so far beyond what I know in the Protestant faith. Just whenever you get down to the foundational ideas of anything I think you realize new things.

The Lutheran faith believes that humans are seen as both sinners and completely redeemed. Is that possible?
But then, isn't that what we are?

God saved us, yes, without a doubt. we are redeemed.
But I am a sinner. By nature, by actions.

I am just a little confused at the statement. I am a sinner and yet redeemed. Do they contradict themselves?
Is that the nature of God at work?

Eye Catching

Look at her. She is breath taking. I saw this picture on The Independent website. Her name is Wideline. Her parents were killed in the earthquake in Haiti. My heart breaks for this 9 year old girl.
Please pray for Wideline. Her future. Healing. A Home. Role Models.

....Haiti, our hearts break with yours.

...Tonight...

I spent time being broken with God tonight...still am.

Have so many ideas, cries and thoughts. Won't be able to write them all

but i think there is something about always having something to ponder...

I feel so inadequate, I think that's because I am. and yet I think sometimes I must underestimate myself..as a daughter of God. There are greater things to do...and I sit here..in my humanity.

I feel disconnected, I feel helpless, i feel like i should be doing something.

I was wondering the other day. Does God ever feel helpless....in His sovereignty?


more later...

I went running yesterday. It was cold, but warmer than its been all week, so I thought i would take the opportunity to wear shorts...People from NC would I think was crazy in shorts running in the cold....but I needed it.

I ran a little around wayne and walked when I got really deep in thought....

Here were my thoughts.

are some people better lovers?
is the attraction between ppl the character of God in them? amigo dei? and then the mess or conflict in those relationships the sin or humanity within the persons?
are the people that can look over the humanity in people and make relationships work through the mess better lovers?

a lovers rain will wash away the envy and the fear~ josh radin


I was listening to Hallelujah by Kate Voegele a lot lately.
hallelujah...a lovers cry for what? to be alive? do we sing hallelujah in life...in just broken, complecated, mixed tones?
love is not a victory march...its a cold and broken hallelujah.

do we exclaim that theres a God above in every breath we take.
when we are living in our humanity. does is show that we know there has to be something greater than the mess we’ve created?

This is the mess within my head...and when I let it, on my heart.
Good day.

Mess,

I feel like a lot of things are in a mess right now.

I guess that's what happens when lives come together, stories overlap and humanity is involved.

Sometimes I wonder about the thing that we've made life out to be. Why is it that in life we look for success and relationships? Why is it that we are driven to impress others? Why is it that equality is not one of the first thoughts in our mind when it comes to humanity?

I think these are just random thoughts that come when I try to get an answer or solution to all thats going on in my immediate circle of friends.

Why do we need things that we might not want? Why we want things that we may not need?
Is the only solution to that Humanity?
Is it the essence of spirituality? The struggle or journey of finding what is sustaining?

I'm sorry most of this blog is questions, but this is the way I think.

right now I'm feeling the broken piece......not so beautiful...

Cut and Paste Generation

First week of classes at EASTERN! so far all my classes have been fantastic! ....I am about to go to business statistics..i'll let you know how that goes.
anyways, my international relations professor was talking and touched on the fact that my generation is known as the cut and paste generation....
that hurt.
he expanded.
our generation is known for transferring information, not engaging. we know how to present and access but do not take time to connect to it.....