Wednesday, October 28, 2009


I dont know why i'm writing because i really dont know what to say... i'm so broken right now....
i just watched hotel rwanda and every face of pain and terror all i could think about is the kids, women and men that i played with, served with and stood along side while i was in Kenya. why do we see africa as such a far away land? they are our brothers and sisters...why didn't we help...? why else is going on that we turn our back to or simply choose not to see?

Heaven and Hell....

This all comes from the book A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. If you have not read this book I strongly encourage you to do so.

BUT, anyways, in chapter 10 the two main characters of the book are discussing heaven and hell. One character is talking from a postmodern viewpoint says that maybe Heaven and Hell are not two different locations. They quite possibly are mindsets and were talked about as places so that we could better understand the concepts.

The character says that he believes that the God he knows loves the human race too much to believe that God would send the "unsaved" to Hell. Therefore he proposes that everyone goes to one place after this life (He doesn't talk on how they get there so I wont guess on that). However, the Heaven and Hell concept come in here. If a person has used their life on earth to experience God and been open to loving and pursuing Gods mercy and justice and goodness then this place will be "Heaven" to them. They will be able to experience God in such a capacity and see love and goodness all the time. On the other hand the people who have spent their life against God and fighting love and goodness will be tormented throughout eternity even though God will be present. Because they will be opposed to the holiness of God it will be "Hell" for them to be present...

please don't only take my view for this idea. Please read A new kind of christian.
But I really do want to hear your thoughts.

This concept makes a lot of sense to me. We always say that God is omnipresent...and yet we think that Hell is a place where He is vacant? I dont know.

ok, that's all that I can say on the topic. I apologize if this is confusing. i, myself am still exploring these ideas....

why aren't we in jail?

OK! another thought. I've kinda been holding on to this one since sunday....its not fully developed, but here goes.

Ok, sunday night some friends and i were talking. we were going through galatians chapter 2. the passage galatians 2:5 caught our attention. Paul and others refused to follow the (Jewish) tradition or law so that they would be able to truly live.
One of my amazing friends shared that once he was talking to Shane Claiborne and heard alot of the stories where Shane was actually put in jail several times....for helping homeless and others.

Do we have "american" or "christian" unspoken laws or traditions that it is time for us to lay down? Why aren't we in jail for breaking those cultural boundaries? ....

Sunday, October 25, 2009

underwelmed, welmed or overwelmed....

I was talking to a friend today walking to church this morning. We were discussing the fact that we feel like there are almost too many amazing experiences and ways to encounter God lately. my friend was talking about how she feels like God is teaching her new things about life and developing her as a person through every experience, however, she doesn't feel like she is able to take time and apply that to her life before another experience takes first priority. Our greatest fears that we were talking about is to have a lot of stories to tell but not be changed by those experiences.

thoughts? do you think that you can be overwelmed by experiences without lifechange? how do you change this? does it take slowing down to focus on the lessons? or do we just leave the application to God and simply open ourselves to what He is/will shaping our lives to be?

sorry for the jumbled life.
this is what coffee at night will get ya
love y'all

Saturday, October 24, 2009

... conflict... reliance..

Well, this week is the first time I have experienced any kind of conflict at college. It's nothing really big, just some tense situations between a few people on campus. It's amazing how much I feel stretched in these situations. And I don't have a profound thought to follow this. Last night when everything was on my mind and I was trying to figure out how I was going to handle these situations I was talking to a friend. She didn't ask what was going on, even stopped me when I tried to include her (she knew I had already vented on the subject...) She simply asked "Have you prayed about it...?" She quickly followed by saying she wasn't judging or even offering advice. Just asking a question...
Honestly, I hadn't. The whole thing wasn't a huge deal, but it was enough to take up some of my thoughts for part of the night... Why do I look to people whom I trust for God to speak through them before I sit a while and spend time being quiet in Him? How much less worrying would I do? I'm not sure....
I'll have to try it...
anyways. hope y'all are having a great weekend!
love y'all!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Acting I class ...lived in real life...

We are going over actions in Acting 1 class and have been going over them for the past couple of weeks. Honestly, I love doing this. We do exercises where we get partners and pull out an action from a list that we have developed and played with and then have about a 30 second period of time where we are to "do" the action to our partner. Here are the interesting parts. 1) you have to do you action without words of any kind and 2) your partner must begin and try to regain a "neutral" state of being while at the same time allowing his or her emotions/thoughts to respond to your action.
Ok, while that might have been hard to follow, the result is beautiful. The partners job of simply being neutral is amazing. Hallen (my acting prof) walked us through the physical state of being neutral. Shoulders back/relaxed, breathing normal, standing with your weight shifted forward (ready to embrace whatever is about to come your way)...this results in amazing feelings and thoughts to respond to your partners actions....
so, the other day (between all my other thoughts) I got to thinking...How different would life be if we were not on guard? How much more would we love, experience, rejoice over if we were in a state of "neutral" living? If our heart was open, heads were waiting to respond, arms were extended to all that life had to give. That doesn't mean to be run over, or believe whatever others push on you....just to be able to experience things at a new, pure, authentic level...what would that look like?
There are too many things in the world that I think that I have to guard against....or just do not think it is worth the effort to open myself up. It is way easier to live life in a "shell" like least i think.
Ok, those were just some of my thoughts....sorry for the mess of words and "..."
love y'all,

Monday, October 12, 2009

BEAUTY IN THE BROKEN. Fill me up, pour me out

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in a really long time. But now it just seems right to start writing again. I can't even explain everything that is going on in my heart and my head right now. In my faith, reason and justice class last week a guest speaker came in and talked about post-modernism. I can't really explain it hear through the keyboard because I'm still exploring it in my heart but I felt set free to just be in love with Jesus. The speaker was talking about how postmodernity was seeking authenticity, the incomparable truth, acknowledging that we are mere human and can't even start to understand....we are just called into this amazing love story, just to sit and wonder and act the presence of an AWESOME GOD!

So, that's going through my head....
I mean, I've been thinking alot of starting back blogging....but last night really was the turning point. This was a story that I had to write about.

Some friends and I on campus have started a little bible study on sunday nights. Its not really organized. Just whoever shows up at 9pm in the chapel are welcome. We share whats on our hearts, prayer request, testimonies and read through a couple verses...Last night we read Galatians 1.

"Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." Gal 1:10

(ok, I know there is so much more in this chapter than this...but this verse stuck out in bible study and was kinda the theme for the night)

We prayed and everyone from bible study went to worship (campus wide sunday nights 10pm worship...amazing time) I sat outside some and talked to Abby (sister). I got off the phone and I had tears running down my face. I miss her so much....and yet God is showing me how beautiful it is to be broken and how wonderful it is to be desiring. How I dont have a clue what is going on in life..but He is weaving this amazing story together. One of my girlfriends left worship early and saw me...she came over...we both started crying. there is something about bringing two girls together...
She is in the same place I was spiritually that I was this Spring...KNOWING God with your head, but WANTING to FEEL Him in your heart SO badly! She was crying. She was broken. And that's so beautiful. We dont have to have everything figured out. She has an amazing desire. How glorious is that picture? How often do we get to be or allow ourselves to be broken before God?
We talked, prayed, and held each other for a while...I walked out with a good friend. She was struggling with her family and transitions and things that were happening there. Just the real-ness and the authenticity in her emotions and in her heart...that we can be that OPEN before God.
Another friend texted me when I got back to my dorm. We talked about relationships. How badly we wanted to do what was right. The confusion and commitment that comes with friendships. We talked about the desire to be known. ...

I know that this was an awful attempt at a blog. but i'm out of practice...
Last night was just a huge blessing...
For now, and where I'd always like to be
...beautiful in the broken...
Before Him,


About Me

My photo
Me? Um, my passion is my Savior. I love serving, laughing, hanging out with family and friends and being outside! I tend to talk to loud, embarrass myself a good bit and think a little outside the norm. I love to travel. I would live anywhere in the world if you let me...